Friday, 28 June 2013

actualy, thinking further...

the overflowing waste paper bin,
paint the insides of them,
shed them,
a snake shedding its skin,
words written on the bloody interior,
mother, mother, mother, daughter, daughter, wife, wife, self, self, self.
forensic suit, scene of the crime.

been in the studio, now I can't get the paint off my body.

So I have eventually been working on the rockabilly paintings,
but... as I worked I kept thinking about the  paper forensic suits Gina had given me after using them in her work; which you can see at Art Scene Investigations.
I had worn one of them when I went to see one of her performances. It was amazing putting it on. Yes it was a costume, but I felt no pretence at playing. I had a Proustian experience, a flash back to childhood when I got that first nurses kit.  She gave us a paper bag and in it there was a magnifying glass, some forensic bags, a face mask, a flashlight and a white paper body suit. When I opened it, the only thing in the world I wanted in that moment, was to play at being a CSI.
Later I thought of how wonderful they would be to use in my work.
SO, Gina gave me the suits when she was finished with them.
They are paper, and can be painted. cut, sewn, molded. I envisaged layers like an onion, cut out, legs, layers of persona's, discarded, thrown away,... you see... the possibilities are endless. I put them in the cupboard and hung one from a nail on the wall in the studio. Prufrocks moth pinned to a board, that hanging skin in Michelangelo's last judgement in the Sistine chapel.- which has always freaked me out.

File:Last judgement.jpg  
I've been thinking about the under the skin thing.
And the layers of person, who you are, what role you play, and that changing role as you grow older, is part of the human condition... Mother, daughter, Father and son.
I know, I know, I said last post it was indulgent, but, things change... You talk to people, see links between things. I friend I met up with recently has lost his son and his father within the space of a few months. Suddenly,  his identity has changed. How does he relate to himself now.

See its huge.
NOW, I'm not good at this conceptual malarkey... so stick to painting you say, but I have to explore... To try.
Suddenly this afternoon, I decided to at least make a start. (it probably was the rain, keeping me from escaping to the garden or the allotment..)

I had a "Brilliant Idea", I would paint my body with red and yellow acrylic, put on the suit and get the imprint. My friend Lisa has done body paintings and prints, why didn't I ask her what paint she used??? Well I couldn't wait for all that. It was now! hmmmm. After scrubbing for an hour in the shower the bloody stuff still hasn't come totally off. And the masterpiece, see for yourself....
Yep, total waste of time. I should stick to painting pictures. Still its a starting point... and I know someone who will be happy to scrub the rest of the paint off me later on tonight. Hope you enjoy your evening as much as I shall.

Friday, 21 June 2013

You know, I just don't want to go in the studio at the moment.

Its such a struggle, I don't think I want to look at another painting again, let alone make one. So many themes and possibilities, but none which grab me. Yes, I've got some lovely new pics of mum in an old kitchen, but I cant make anymore interiors. What new thing have I to say? I am working on the rockabilly stuff, but I don't really care about the paintings I am making, they are so far removed from the expereince, they just show the look of the thing, not the feel of it. And as for the indulgent self stuff... give me strength, who wants to know all that bollocks? It's been explored again and again. Self, who am I, ego, me, me me. Nahhh... I have no more to add to the glut of pictures that swamp the world. Its boooooring. I will garden. I will do yoga. I will make my home, be there for the kids and Hudge, sing with my band, help people express themselves through art. That's enough. Well, now that's off my tits I can make a coffee then go and slop some paint on a canvas.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Thoughts over coffee.

As I said, I went to Barcelona with my mum, (we walked very slowly, ) and I was blowed away by it. The Gaudi architecture was truly wonderful. His apartment building and family house were so innovative and out there when he designed them, full of ergonomic design that was both beautiful, symbolic and useful, and its still out there.

this is the attic!!!!

Why it hasn't been explored further who knows...

took some pics of mum in the Guadi flat, I think the figure in the environment really shows the timelessness. Might have to paint one of these.

In France I took lots of photos of alleyways and arches, -another recurring theme. I'll post them next time. I am still looking for the wrought iron gate with the lush green courtyard beyond. but in the search I've found some evocative places, might just print them tho' and do something with them, a maze, a book?

Finally, I'm still exploring choosing which persona to put on. Not just from a feminist angle, from a universal one... When we are young we explore who we are with different looks, hobbies, moods, clothes, music, friends, place we go to, etc etc, then it seams to me life chooses for us... I am playing again, as I mentioned I'm in a rockabilly band, I go vintage shopping again, and have been to rock and roll evenings, its fascinating because of course the others there are also playing this game. I want to explore this 'playing further'  how do others play... yoga, Trekkie's, motorbike rallies, its endless. and its good fun and very liberating...

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

moving on

So, I've been away, to Barcelona, where I saw lots of Gaudi apartments and innovative, gob smacking architecture, Picasso museum with wonderful pigeon paintings, streets of fantastic modernist buildings and delicious food. Then France for a green rest. Came home and reworked the huge painting of Zoe, I had got stuck and liked the expressive under painting. I didn't want to start working it until I knew where to go. I am please with the result so far.
I think I will approach the dancers paintings in this way. a slightly new pallet, and no white.

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